The Poem
Spirits painted in soft pastels
Sponged from flame, dabbed of smoke
Laboratory marigold perfume seeped in wax
A prayer intoned to guard weak souls
Long shadows creased in ember light
Tormented and tangled in gently whispered violence
Licks serenely kissing wind
Unspoken contemplations fueling healthy relief
The collapsible, portable meddle unfurled
Read silently in the luminance
Until the hard consonant is whispered
Keys to every secret useless and fossilized in the darkness
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The Review
This review and discussion was provided to a student interested in using this poem for a class.
The student requested an analysis of the poem.
The student had chosen the subject superstition, and in searching encountered this work.
Since I don't consider the poem to be well-written, I first suggested more standard fare and then went on to provide what I think is an objective analysis.
Hi ,
I would be happy to assist. Although I am quite flattered that you chose one of my poems, I do offer that you may consider using a classic poem for your project. I make this suggestion only because your teacher may have established a prerequisite of the poem being published in print, whereas mine is not. Or, more succinctly, your teacher may be more skeptical of your choice. I wanted to make this suggestion first before going into my poem. One alternate you could use is Edgar Allan Poe's the Raven, and you could identify the literal raven as an emblem appearing as superstitious to the narrator.
Regarding my poem, Superstition, I also want to point out it is mostly freestyle and is not a good example of rhyme or meter.
With those admissions out of the way, here is my analysis and critique.
The reader should be able to imagine a Medieval setting in the first stanza, although not necessary a laboratory despite the literal use of the word. The secular, or non-religious, use of the word 'spirit' signifies use of magic, possibly alchemy. The use of perfume, wax, and 'prayers to guard weak souls' is akin to the use of pentagrams and other shapes that alchemists (refer: Goethe's Faust) used to prevent the devil from being summoned and interferring with the 'spell'. Therefore, the first stanza describes the beginning of a magic ritual that is literal superstition; the unidentified sorceror believes in the magic effects.
The second stanza describes long shadows, which suggests a dark room with a low-level light. In this case, a candle on a table. The light flickers, or tormented, by 'gently whispered violence'. I use that phrase to describe whatever magic incantation is being said because a lot of classic spells are violent in their words. The words are used to summon demons, coerce other people against their will, raise fire from the heavens, and so on. The licks kissing the wind describes the intimate entanglement of the candle flame with the speaker's breath as he/she whispers the spell. The last line of the second stanza describes how the sorceror feels relieved for performing this act, but the relief comes from a pent up frustration, or one of the sorceror's own secrets for which he/she has no outlet other than these spells. It could be compared to a priest listening to confession so that the priest can make a confession of his/her own through the confessor.
The third stanza describes a 'collapsible portable meddle', which is the 'spell book'. In this case, the choice of the word 'meddle', which means to interefere with something, was made because that is what spells do, they interfere with Nature, with things, and with people. It is collapsible and portable because it is probably an old scroll or leathery book that can be rolled up. The second line describes the book as being read in a quiet tone, or not aloud, in the candle light, until, on the third line, a key word is reached, which is the 'hard consonant'. The very last line describes the end result of the entire superstitious behavior. Whoever is casting this spell believes that it will unlock some secret, and therefore whatever means employed to hide the secret (ie: the key) is useless because he/she just found it. However, at the same time the key is fossilized in the darkness because this isn't really a spell, it's just superstitious mumbo-jumbo. The sorceror knows some secret exists, and in trying to break it in this way he/she can only learn the simple fact that it is a secret, and the key to that secret exists somewhere in the darkness, or beyond the candle light (ie: outside of the light of knowledge). The last line is also a vague reference to Nostradamus' method of staring into a pool of water to see into the future. Even if he did see the secret of the future, it is still a secret future because it would be a paradox to change it, and thus the key cannot exist.
My critique of the poem is much simpler. The word choice is good, but the style, or lack thereof, is poor. As the author, I know exactly what each line was meant to describe, but most of the poem fails to describe what I just wrote above. Although I'll excuse the style because I first wrote it in a poetry journal in October of 1997, it is still without style. I like the poem because it does manage to describe a complex subject in a compact space. However, it does not flow from the lips and tongue when read.
Of my poems, I think "Salem" is a much better example (of my poetry with superstitious elements) as it deals with a distinct subject, the Salem Witch Trials, and complements the play, The Crucible. http://www.whitefrost.com/documents/html/poetry/singles/salem.html
I hope all that helps. Good luck on your assignment.
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